Friday, April 01, 2011
sometimes i dread going to work so i refuse to sleep at night so i do not need to wake up, then i realise that paradoxical wording do not translate to reality; and i would still need to sleep. but sometimes nice things turn up at work and i stay up thinking about that project and what i need to do tomorrow and i still end up sleeping late, only i feel a little better about it.
then i think about how i think happy things never have a happy ending, and how people leave you anyways, and every other sad things comes into mind then i dont want tomorrow to come anymore.
i like days where i come home super tired or very sleepy, then i wouldnt have the energy to think before i sleep at all. that is best.
Posted at 12:44 am by baz
Monday, March 28, 2011
i'm missing a (what i heard to be) good criminal minds episode to write this
The past weekend saw me on an island for a little company retreat where I horribly sucked at the drinking game 'I've Never' (I'm a teetotaler though, that's probably I sucked?) in which a colleague drank too much and totally could not recall he told us that he is still staying with his ex because he can't simply kick her out and he can't himself move because he owns 80% of the furniture.
The company drinking sessions are actually my favourite part of any of our meet-ups, even when what I usually drink is your normal carbonated drink, it's fun listening to your colleagues sharing ~deep~ thoughts that only comes out when they're a little high. It's the stuff that I wish we talk about all the time, but topics like death and love are not what you can put in daily conversation.
However this time round it wasn't as fun. Probably because of the fact that my favourite conversationalist was not around so everything was just typical. One person keeps telling the same story I've heard a thousand times before and everybody keeps nodding in agreement. I don't know if these new people are being polite but everybody said yes to everything! I just hate conversations with no conflicting opinions, it makes me think I'm fucking abnormal from having a non mainstream thinking.
I would go all the way to not say what I really think just so that we can have a spicier thought exchange but noooo, turns out everybody on the floor (age range from 22 to 41) has already felt love. Seriously? If you have, why are you still single? I see love as forever so if those relationship did not last, it probably was not love!
My opinions are SO easy to spit and ridicule on and UGH, this could have been a potentially good conversation, so many things to discuss since everybody has their own definition of love but I didn't push it because I was busy rolling my eyes at the edge of the circle.
I stayed because one of them was telling the earlier story about his ex but then it was often interrupted but the other person who keeps telling the story I have heard before, and at the end the person with the ex story sort of passed out so we just have to adjourned the session.
I should have just slept.
Posted at 10:10 pm by baz
, oh life
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
places i want/should go this year
I have a sudden urge/need to plan for a trip. You know, THE BIG TRIP OF THE YEAR kind of thing. Last year was London/Oxford/Paris/Dublin and I'm starting to feel what Aminah said about me and about traveling here
is true. It is said that once you go black you can't go back, and I think I have caught the travel bug.Australia or Japan
Should probably narrow that down to a specific state in that country but this just hit me so I have yet to research on where I would want to go. But no, I do
know where I want to go, it's wherever they're having the premier of the Harry Potter is. Honestly, this is the last time it's going to happen in a long time, I doubt anyone is going to remake Potter anytime soon so this is the only chance I have to actually be in the presence of thousands of Potter fans without having any doubts with their level of fanaticism.
Japan is too expensive though, and I don't want the experience of getting furious over language barrier to happen again (Bonjour, Paris); so, perhaps Australia then. My only knowledge of Australia is from religiously following thefoodpornographer
and she lives in Perth, beyond that Australia is an alien place to me.Jordan and UMRAH
Jordan is because of this. This and this only
Since it's so close maybe I can go umrah first, then we can go the whole of Middle East. Jordan first though. OH AND THEN HERE
. I know that is fiction and it's not probably true that you can simply walk into Palestine, and being Malaysian I can't go into Israel; but just imagine how cool would all that be.Philipines
Mostly because a lot of people on tumblr who are into Potter are there, and them Philipines love having tumblr meetups
. Thus I can kill 2 birds with a stone: meet Potter fans AND go to a tumblr meetup. At least one where I know everyone will be sober. It's cheaper at least than the options above. Much MUCH cheaper.
At the back of my head I want to go for Umrah during Ramadhan, so that would be in August this year, but since I want Jordan/Middle East to happen too and I doubt I can survive the desert when I'm fasting, we have to put that on hold for later than that.
Potter premier is on July. JULY. If I really want to go to Australia I should probably start to think about booking flight tickets now.
Posted at 12:23 pm by baz
Categories: out and about
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Lately I don't know what to be. I'm old enough to know what are the consequences of staying up late online but that doesn't stop me sleeping at 3 am everyday. I'm not a film major yet my only aim in life right now is to watch all the films nominated for the Oscars
to determine the most deserving of the best picture award. All my free time lately is devoted to reading fiction
, when all the economic books related to the FRM exam I'm taking in May sits idle on the table. I've got a sum of windfall in the form of the yearly bonus from the company, and when my colleagues are formulating which stocks they're getting on KLSE, my money is festering in the bank vault.
According to everyone, I should 1) get my driver's license, 2) get a car, 3) find a boyfriend. None of which I'm remotely interested in doing.
So what is a person to do, if you just don't want to do anything?
Posted at 02:19 am by baz
Categories: oh life
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Books I read on January 2010
Thank you Aldiko Reader on my android
- Sherlock Holmes: His Last Bow by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
- The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
- The Invisible Man by H. G. Wells
- Whose Body? by Dorothy L. Sayers
- Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
- The Hunger Games Trilogy: The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
- The Hunger Games Trilogy: Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
- The Hunger Games Trilogy: Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
- Millennium Trilogy: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larrson
I really can not remember reading this many books in such a short span of time.
And there's another 2 of Stieg Larrson's trilogy in the queue.
Posted at 01:35 am by baz
Thursday, November 04, 2010
(i think i shall post on monthly basis)
I can't seem to find the urge to write anymore.
Here, have a poem.
my favourite flavour,
is my favourite colour,
sometimes a flower,
at odd hours.
my favourite weather,
is not the fairer,
i like the cold rather,
though it doesnt make you better.
my favourite person,
now have elsewhere to turn,
while my heart burns,
and my eye tears,
i remember the years,
i remember her cheers.
Last week, there were 2 people in my department, now, there is only one, me. You would think the title as sexy as "Financial Engineer" would make people keep the job but turns out money still wins. I spend the first night after she left in tears. Blame me for being a girl, but when all you do in the office is talk to one of the best people you would ever meet in your life, you really miss them when they're gone.
Posted at 01:58 am by baz
Categories: oh life
Saturday, September 04, 2010
it's either just how the weather should be today, or all the angels are making their way back to the heavens, because there's no sun outside right now. if lailatul qadar was last night, i think i might have had one of the worst ramadhan this year.
semalam aku khatam quran, tafsir sebenarnya, sebab tahun ni ingatkan nak faham maksud sekali selain daripada baca surah; tapi separuh je, sebab mula daripada juz 15 masa mula hari tu. lepas habis surah an-nas, ingatkan nak solat hajat, tapi mengantuk, pastu malas, terus pegi tido. pkul 1130 malam kot, raudzah call tanya pasal haniza. patutnya time tu boleh bangun solat kejap. tapi tak...terus tido balik. bila bangun balik dah masa sahur.
but i digress. though not entirely, as my feelings are akin to the gloomy sounds of this song
that i am currently listening on loop.
but i have learnt a thing or two this ramadhan, and the one that stood out is this:
there are 4 rukun 'qali during solat (mesti disebut, didengar oleh diri sendiri) which are:
1) the first takbiratul ihram. ALLAHUAKBAR must be clear and complete.
2) al-fatihah in every rakaat.
3) the verses of tahiyat awal in tahiyat akhir. the rest are sunat.
4) the first salam.
who knows what's going to happen after the ramadhan. will i continue going to the mosque? will i continue with the first 15 juz of the tafsir? will i be a better person?
the bad news is i am already in too deep with sherlock
, sherlock holmes the book, and the london trip
. the attention i put in those compared to the attention i have for ramadhan is humiliating.
Posted at 11:13 am by baz
, oh life
Monday, July 19, 2010
while listening to reza salleh's myspace
reza salleh's myspacedoes it makes you feel better?
when they stroke your ego,
and say the right things,
when they never say no,
and anything you want, they bring.
even when it's all in your head,
and it never leaves your bed,
does it make you feel better?
do you think that's great?
snap out of it dear,
and start living this life,
for everything that you think you hear,
are all lies,
they're only voices in your head love,
a figment of your imagination,
the sooner you see that,
the faster you learn.
Posted at 08:16 pm by baz
Categories: oh life
Saturday, June 26, 2010
personality test - the kind that i like
answer it here
Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are
friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so
cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You
don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't
necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before
deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't
interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you
meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study
hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job
with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a
regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing
in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with
someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of
trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself.
Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good
advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues.
Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a
problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
Posted at 02:52 am by baz
Thursday, June 24, 2010
this particular week needs to be chronicled somehow.
monday: deathly hallows trailer
i started the week knowing that the teaser trailer for the first part of the last harry potter movie will be revealed during mtv movie awards, what i did not foresee was, how devastated i was after i saw it, which reflected to the fact that my colleague had to pick up my slack throughout the day at work that day.
wednesday: glee season 1 finale
i have been religiously downloading glee episodes basically mere minutes after it is aired in the US for the past few months, aside from illegally obtaining the soundtrack minutes after it is on iTunes and proceeded with listening to the songs non stop so tell me, what do i do now? what i do now that there's nothing whatsoever to look forward to during the week?
thursday: braces day
i wasn't that nervous really. i know it was going to be painful so i'm prepared for that, and to be honest i was too tired to care. with the potter trailer and glee finale, tumblr was so crazy i stayed all night to join in the fun. i was so tired, i fell asleep as the dentist was putting the braces on. she pinched my jaw several time to ask me to shift my head left and right a bit, but other than that she let me sleep. looking back, that was really nice of her.
friday night: the what-ifs
what if i didn't go to melaka for hazwani's convocation thus would still be awake that time? what if they showed the france-uruguay match on tv and my sister is watching it downstairs by herself? what if there wasn't any match and she fell asleep in front of the tv by herself anyway? then maybe the burglar wont get into the house that night. but nonetheless he got in, but everybody is ok.
nut then again, my other sister still wont sleep alone in her room, and i feel like the house was raped somehow..maybe we're not that a-ok after all.
saturday: hazwani's convocation (CONGRATS DEAR!)
i hate convocations. it reminds me to mine, where i forgot to book us a place to stay, which prompted my parents to sleep in my friend's car because my mom was afraid to sleep in the surau by herself. while i'm happily sleeping with my friend on a nice bed. i shall never forgive myself.
'twas an eventful week. it was like a PMS of emotions. but i was just sad throughout the week, rather than angry and moody.
but saying that is not fair. because i remember grinning while the video of the trailer was starting and during that time hazwani was on the stage holding her medal while smiling at the camera man, so perhaps it wasn't that bad of a week after all.
Posted at 12:59 am by baz