can u hear it? i can help but to think that i'm imagining the sounds of rattling chains. you know, from all the demons and shaitans that are tied up right now because of ramadhan? i'm sure all of them are rejoicing now as the month is almost over.

only one more day of fasting. so no more going back early from work, breaking fast in the bus because of traffic jam @ with my parents and silbings when i'm home early, no more terawih, no more reciting quran, no more reading tafsir, no more solat hajat in the middle of the night.

or is it?

it is said that if you stick with what you did in ramadhan in the coming months, then what you did during ramadhan was actually accepted by Allah. so why dont we stick to all the things we did in ramadhan? so even though if it wasn't accepted at least you hope it does. at least you're trying.

hurr, i'm not making any sense. my sisters are shouting in my ear telling me to pack. we're going back to my mother's hometown in 30 minutes time. i hvnt packed, and all i can think of bringing is my statistic book and a laptop so that i can check out vba codes for work.

safe to say i hate ramadhan is over. and all i'll be thinking of now is workworkwork.

last night was the 27th night of ramadhan. the hot night for lailatul qadar. it was also somehow the night where i was most distracted. during terawih my head kept wandering to other things, ron weasley, which part of tafsir to read tonight, the fray's say when and my baju raya; among other things. during tazkirah i couldnt help but to feel so sleepy, but yet so alert at times. went home from the mosque, read yasin to calm the nerves, read some tafsir about the pits of hellfire for motivation and then i fell asleep. at 3.30am i somehow woke up, looked at the clock and thought, i should get up and do something. but what did i do? i laid on the bed, said astagfirullah and went back to sleep.

all in all, i think my quest for lailatul qadar this year so far, is a failure.

ya Allah ya tuhanku, yang maha mendengar dan maha mengetahui. tetapkan hatiku kepada jalan-Mu, tingkatkan iman dan taqwa ku, kurniakan redha Engkau kepadaku. sesungguhnya hanya Engkau yang mengetahui segala yang tersirat di dalam hati kami, baik yang kami sendiri tahu atau tidak ketahui. ya Allah ya tuhankan, yang maha pengasih lagi mengasihani, jauhkan aku dari semua yang memesongkan akidah, jauhkan aku dari sifat lupa, malas dan riak, jauhkan aku dari api neraka-Mu. sesungguhnya kami ini orang yang menzalimi diri sendiri. dan sesungguhnya hanya Engkau yang maha mengampun. bersihkan hatiku, terangkan pemikiranku, sihatkan tubuh badanku, tenangkan jiwaku. jadikan hatiku, pemikiranku, tubuh badanku dan jiwaku dekat kepada Engkau, semoga aku sentiasa ingat kepada Engkau, dan jadikanlah aku antara orang-orang yang beriman. ya Allah ya tuhanku, tuhan yang memakbulkan doa, terimalah permintaanku, semoga aku menjadi hamba-Mu yang bersyukur.

amin.

i had a nice little discussion with my boss and other colleagues the other day, where in one part of it this question was asked: "is it possible for a guy to love more than one equally?" because we were talking about polygamy. i said yeah, even parents hv favourites among the kids and a colleague said yes also, according to her, guys are just made that way. they will always have favourites. i asked my boss, who was a guy and he said, 'i dunno la actually'. well i dont hv to ask that really, cz i know that he's not capable of equal love. m not complaining really, because just like what i said about parents having favourites, surely he has too among us.

eh, m running away from the main topic. so anyway i was watching 'ustaz zamri bercerita' as i was breaking fast today, and he was telling stories about female superheroes in Islam, where he was talking about saidatina aishah, rasullullah s.a.w.'s wife. it is always known that aishah was rasullullah's favourite, though i always thought that he just treats her special because she's the youngest and it's just ok to spoil her. however i guess rasullullah really do love her most because when rasullullah was dying, he asked all his wives if he could stay with aishah during his last days. so i guess that's one prove to show that it is possible to love one particular wife more than the others.

ustaz zamri also talked about saidatina khadijah, rasullullah saw's first wife. i always feel that, if it wasn't because she passed away, rasullullah wouldn't hv married another. and i also feel that, among all rasullullah's wife, khadijah will always be his favourite. which is also always the same case with guys practising polygamy now. they might love another wife more, but the they will always have a soft spot for the first one.
saidatina khadijah wasnt just a favourite of rasullullah, jibrail once came to rasullullah to present a wahyu, and he told rasullulah to send regards to khadijah. so cool.

i was just wondering if he filmed the part where he needs to kill the horcrux and cry yet

you

you stopped me from breathing,
when you come into view,
you hold me speechless,
as if on cue,
time slows,
and it feels like there is no due,
of how much love my heart contains,
for you

hai. felt like i've been gone long enough so here i am again

(all right let's just jump into this post)
for a while now i've been wanting to get tumblr, after sorting through so many harry potter related ones. been wanting the url thesilverdoe.tumblr.com, after my most favourite chapter in all seven potter books, but it's taken. thought of gaunt.tumblr.com, but i dont want to be associated with Voldemort's family so in the end succumbed to a-marauder.tumblr.com.

so basically, i am here(s) in the internet world:
blogdrive | blogspot | flickr | tumblr | twitter
that shud satisfy all my internet writing/picture posting/potter rantings/little thoughts needs

on other news, it's ramadhan in 1 day time, and honestly i cant wait. time to cleanse the body toxins, including the sins. and i hope to do better with my (new) job too, now that i dont hv to think about lunch and tea time all day. haih, i think i peaked too early, cz the boss said 'why u so slow' just yesterday when that is really my normal pace.

self reminder: i also need to (more like want to):
* cancel streamyx and sign up with P1 wimax, in attempt to get faster internet
* buy hard disk, so to not cramp this old pc. and so i can download the big bang theory and flight of the concords
* cancel insurance, find out about LIFE insurance, and get started to get ASB
* get glasses! honestly going blind right about now

oh and a friend of mine contracted H1N1! best wishes n much love, Alia. get well soon..

wow that's alot of ramblings so, ok enough for now. ta

addiction

the constant mind wanderings,
that ends to the same thing,
however round and round,
it comes home to the pound.

as much as you want to stay away,
it creeps back and stay,
feeling its presence all day,
try as hard as you may.

even with promises of scorn,
and punishments with thorns,
it's revisited like porn,
your hooked and you're gone.

and then,
all be damned.
as you are.

cant get over this shoe! WANT!

lucius malfoy, draco's father is in jail.
whoa soundtrack snippets.
can you tell what happens next?
one of the FUNNIEST part

once in a while, i think we all feel like we're thrown into something that is bigger than us. example, at workplace, whr we're supposed to do things that we never had to do before, finish things that we did not start and guide ppl about things that we ourselves are not sure about. like harry potter.

harry potter came into the world with his fate written in his scar. with that scar, he is the marked one; the chosen one. as he grew up, most saw him as a hero, saw him as the reason of the fall of voldemort, but some knew that voldemort is just bidding his time, and harry will again needed to fill the shoe of a fighter, to fight against voldemort.

harry started as a relunctant hero. he didnt want the fame, nor the responsibility it apparently came with. sheltered as he is, danger came to him, and he has no choice but to fight.

but as time goes, he realised that it is his destiny, and it is his responsiility and as much as he wants to run away from it, he cant. because deep inside, he knows it is him who has to finish it, and no one else. and deep inside, he knows he actually WANTS to do it.

and so he embraced it. he fought through with determination n though he dont always hv the faintest clue about what he's doing, he did it anyway.

i believe that we can all see ourselves in harry potter. at some point in life, we hv to become that relunctant hero, with unknown things to do and unknown territory to conquer.

so what are you going to do about it? the choice is to break down and run, or to face it as a challenge, stare it in the eye n grab it in your hands.

in the spirit of a harry potter fan, i vow to embrace it. and with the will of Allah, i hope i do it good.

---

breaking out from this emo rant, i'm going to watch harry potter and the half-blood prince tomorrow. oh be still heart, only 12 more hours to go.